Sleepless Nights

     As of yesterday, I am 38 weeks pregnant, counting down to my due date of August 31st. For a while there, I was starting to think that this baby would come earlier than my girls did; perhaps hoping is a better word. It has been a long, hot summer and I am ready to meet our little Jasper!
    I had an appointment with my midwife today and she seems to think that he'll probably be born pretty close to my due date since that is what the girls did. He seems to have settled in rather nicely, and in no hurry to leave. Since Madison was three days early, and Annabelle was three days late, maybe he'll actually be born on the 31st? So for now that means I must exercise patience; such a hard thing to do with long, sleepless nights and tired days.
    The following poem is something I wrote a while back, but it is pretty fitting of my nights lately.

Far-off noises, ceaselessly droning;

weaving in and out of range.

Times of deafening roars,

then loud silence swallowing me whole.

Ears ringing to loud humming,

trying to pull apart the sounds.

Crickets chirp and frogs sing,

the night itself is loud.

Dimples

                So many types of dimples exist; like the one on my husband’s chin that I fell in love with almost nine years ago. There are dimples that appear on a smiling face, and even dimples that surface on the back of a pregnant woman’s thighs during pregnancy and tend to linger long after.

                The best type of dimples are those that dot the back of a small child’s hands; one perfect dimple above each tiny finger. I’m not sure what it is about those precious little indentations, but they somehow capture the pure innocence of children.

                I have spent many nights admiring my girls’ hands; when wrapped in mine, their small size becomes more pronounced, reminding me to savor the moments.

                A sad day occurred for me when I realized my oldest daughter no longer had dimples on her hands. She is seven now, and growing ever taller and ever smarter. It was at least a couple years ago when I noticed they were almost gone; a time of mourning ensued as I dealt with the idea of my baby passing from a little girl into a big girl. And she certainly is doing just that; she is developing into such a confident, caring person, experiencing so many new things. Her first piano recital, first sleepover at a friend’s house, first week away from home without Mom and Dad, and she’s loving every minute of it.

                It’s wonderful to be able to watch her blossom before us, and it’s an exciting time for us all. Now when she is sleeping, I take her hand in mine, no longer covered in dimples but still smaller, fingernails in several shades of nail polish, and I envision all that we have been through and all that we will go through in the future.

                Dimples or not, her hands will forever signify my little girl.

The Unspoken Stages

                When you first imagine becoming a parent, you see endless nights of midnight feedings, mountains of dirty diapers, and unending but adorable loads of tiny little onesies playing out in your future. You are told how tired you will be and how exhaustig a newborn’s 24/7 needs are. Somewhere on the horizon people mention a little something to look forward to known as the terrible twos, a common misnomer since most often this stage seems to rear its head well before the second birthday.

                Alas, this is just the beginning. As soon as you even edge towards feeling comfortable dealing with your small, unreasonable screaming child in public settings, which is of course where tantrums always take place, this child enters a completely new stage, leaving you yet again astonished at the strange new creature developing before your very eyes.

                What most advice-givers forget to mention is that looking back, the newborn stage will seem like a sweet and quiet, almost dreamy phase of life and the terrible twos will appear laughably easy.

                Because as children grow older, they learn how to talk, and as they learn how to talk, they begin to attempt to reason with you. This leads to the tyrannical threes and ferocious fours; then come the flabbergasting fives, followed by the sassy sixes and sevens. As they learn new things each day, they begin to ask more questions, demanding real thought from their parents as to why things have to be a certain way. While this is of course an important part of their developmental process, it can at times be extremely frustrating. Eventually there comes a point in every parent’s life where, as much as they may fight it, or for as often as they promised themselves they’d never say it, the only response to your child’s gazillionth question as to why they cannot do something, comes the dreaded, “Because I Said So!”

                Thankfully all of these stages come with short, blissful reprieves where that beautiful, innocent child emerges from within and showers us with her love; reminding us why this is all so worth it and giving us enough hope to make it through the next trying stage as she attempts to navigate her ever-growing world.

Mind Games

          My age makes people uncomfortable. In getting to know other mom friends, the issue is always irritatingly present. There is no one way that people use to seek out this information. Of course, the most obvious way is to simply ask, but I have been bluntly asked by only two individuals that I recall, at least in the parenting world. Some make references to how young I look, with the hopes that I will spill the info. Quite frankly, the more someone seems intent on finding out my true age but is too afraid to ask, the more I withhold any information that will lead them to finding out. It has morphed into a weird little mind game that I’m really beginning to enjoy.

A more comical time occurred on a playdate with a new friend. The other mom was asking questions about my siblings and she was telling me about hers; she mentioned how far apart her and her sister were and I mentioned my husband's youngest brother was only 14 (at the time); instantly you could see her face struggling to maintain its composure as she attempted to calculate just how old that would make my husband, and therefore, approximately me. However, she was missing a key piece of the puzzle; how old my husband was when his brother was born. I don't recall specifically how she worded it, but she managed to get the question out. Much to her dismay, one of the kids ran up at that moment, and she never was able to steer the conversation back to the topic. I felt a small smile creep up on my lips, and a feeling of smug satisfaction remained with me for days to follow.

This may seem odd, or even a bit sick, but I assure you there is history behind this entertainment. On several occasions my age has lead to the end of playdates for my oldest daughter.  This particular occurrence involved a classmate from school; her mom and I spoke every day at pick-up from kindergarten, commiserating over how hard it is to let your oldest go off into the world, discussing the teacher, the school, etc. After a while, the mom invited us to meet at the park after school for a playdate since our oldest girls were such good friends and we both had younger girls around the same age. So I agreed, and the playground chatter naturally turned a little more in-depth than school pick-up chatter. We were getting to know each other, making small talk about where we were from, and for some reason I felt the need to be forthcoming, and explained how I had my oldest when I was seventeen. People take this one of two ways; either they are intrigued and ask a lot of questions or they are shocked and clam up. This mom followed the latter model; she could hardly keep the conversation going at this point, and the playdate ended shortly after. We never received another invitation to the park.

Not Your Typical Mom

I unwittingly made it my prerogative to go against the grain of the specific order of life events. It may not be the average ideal, but it is my ideal. Baby first, marriage second, then second baby, earned high school diploma, began college, and now soon to welcome third baby. =) 
              Welcome to my world....Somewhere in Between!